Give up smoking

The biggest shock when you quit smoking is finding out what fast food really tastes like.

Now be honest. If you ran RJR-Nabisco, wouldn’t you be tempted to slip a little nicotine into your crackers?
Nothing like a good saltine to relax you.
And a half hour later you want another one.
After a good meal, you’d lean back and suck on a nice cracker.

Remember, smoking doesn’t kill people. People who are trying to quit smoking kill people.

One poll says 73% of Americans favor raising the cigarette tax. It’s only fair. Since smokers aren’t around as long as the rest of us, they should pay more while they’re here.

I quit smoking once for six days. And then they untied me.

Trying to quit smoking can drive you nuts — especially when you try to light your nicotine gum.

Marlboro has a line of outdoor gear for smokers. They recommend you buy it a size larger so paramedics don’t have to cut it off of you.

The Marlboro clothing is very functional. The denim jacket has electric heart paddles sewed right into the lining, and there’s a backpack that can hold a portable respirator.

I stopped smoking and extended my life expectancy. My wife is furious.

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